Drifter

Drifter

 

by Debi Snider 1979

this song once had music, which I have totally forgotten,

so now, I suppose it’s just a poem.

Evidently I was full of angst in 1979 .

 

 

She was only sixteen, the summer she met him,

so began their romance with a midnight swim.

He was so much older and she was naive

that everything he told, she always believed.

 

She was only seventeen the day they were wed,

and her mama and her daddy cried softly in their bed.

He was so persuasive that she made a vow to him,

that anywhere he went, she would follow him.

 

She was only nineteen when her daughter came to be

and then when she was twenty he wanted to be free…

he was like a bird and he spread his wings to fly,

then he up and left her without explaining why.

 

He was just a drifter who called no place his home

and if she ever needed him, he was always gone

They all tried to tell her that he’d break her heart someday

but she just turned her head and slowly walked away.

 

She was only twenty one when the little daughter died

and she could see that he was hurt no matter how he tried

to cover up his feelings, when he asked if he could stay….

…..but she just turned her head, and slowly walked away.

 

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~fear~

~fear~

august 22, 1986

darkness seems to follow me

no matter where i run

i turn my face towards the sun,

looking for the light

to save me from the shadows of my mind.

a rainbow can’t be found, on a cloudy day

so i just run away, there’s bound to be a reason why

i can’t play the game.

my tears won’t stay behind my eyes, my feelings never clear….

i wonder what my purpose is

should i still be here?

or should i give it up?

that’s my biggest fear.

fear of death, fear of life

afraid of not succeeding in either one,

afraid to face the consequence

for what i haven’t done.

but the darkest fear of all these fear

sometimes i wish, i just weren’t here.

(written during the el paso years)